My Solitary Season

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how un-lonely being alone can be.

Ellen Burstyn

Winter is my solitary season. My family leaves me for untold adventures and I hold the fort here at home with nobody but my house bunny Molly to keep me company. She doesn’t talk much though.

Molly the house bunny

Molly the house bunny

I look forward to this time of year. I am a completely different person. I eat, sleep and schedule my time by my own whim. There is no one to consult, no one to compromise for and no one to please, it’s just me.

I start weeks before planning my time alone. What do I want to accomplish and what activities do I want to do that I won’t have to answer to anyone else about why I want to do them? Is there any place I want to go? A solo road trip sounds intriguing, just me, a few cd’s and a destination – but where? The possibilities are endless.

For the most part I am an outgoing, convivial person. I love to be of service to others and I enjoy interacting with people on a meaningful level, but during my solitary season I tend to be rather introverted and selfish with my time. I have arrived at a place in my life where the draw to turn inward and get in touch with my spiritual side is a far greater pull for me than hanging out and being social. Having a few months every year to do just that is a luxury that I am grateful to be able to enjoy.

When my loved ones return home I am re-energized and ready to give 100% to our relationships because I am contributing of myself from a re-centered and balanced perspective.

It’s not all popcorn for dinner fun though. I am also solely responsible for maintaining the old homestead too. My house and property is not large by any means but when others are home the chores are divided up. Gone is the luxury of having help shovelling the driveway if it snows. No one is here but me to bring the wood in for the woodstove and cross my fingers that my car does not breakdown again like it did last year.

There are other challenges I am not use to as well. I may, for the most part chose to eat healthier and lighter when my family is not home but I do miss certain meals. I don’t like eating the same things for days at a time so cooking a complete roast beef dinner is out and  forget about baking. I really don’t need the five dozen cookies most of my recipes make, although, I probably would eat them. During my solitary season I gain a new respect for the limits of the single living cook. Of course I could always dine out.

Winter may be a time of rest for nature but for me it is my growing season. I have uninterrupted time to read, learn, meditate and gain clarity for the rest of the year. Rarely do I turn on the television. I do check the major news sites on the web daily to keep current on world events but I purposely choose to stay away from the gossip and drama that media feeds from. I cherish the break from the superficial culture.

As a recovering people pleaser I am the most authentic me when I live alone. There is no pressure to put other’s needs before mine. Solo living gives me time to strengthen my personal values, gain wisdom and grow as a human being. I am never lonely, I am just alone. It is a refreshing break from years of being an intricate part of a family unit. For a small space of time I get to be just me, Diana -woman – person – human and not someone’s mother or wife. That’s why I look forward to my solitary season.

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