People Pleasing and the Fear of Failing. Is their a Connection?


I just love when random motivational thoughts from vastly different sources come together to form a new synapse connection in my brain and create a deeper understanding in me. You never know when a learning opportunity will happen but you do have to be ready and open to receive the lesson when it does.

Here’s what I learned this morning, or my new working theory at any rate, see if it resonates with you and your own in-ability to achieve your own personal goals and dreams.

At the very core, most people pleasers (and recovering people pleasers like me) love to serve. It is an essential mode of being for us. This is how we are hard wired. We get energized by helping others. But taken to the extreme, people pleasing can become addictive. The more you try to please, the harder it becomes to achieve the “high” that results from seeing someone else happy. It is a slippery slope that will leave you sliding down the energy drain.

Dreams and goals require real energy expended in order to manifest. They need to be focused on, planned out and executed continually until achieved. Making your dreams come true is hard work.

So it’s pretty easy to make the correlation that both people pleasing and achieving ones dream take up a lot of our energy and if you buy into the theory that the average person has a finite amount of energy in a given day, it would make sense that as long as you engage in the habit of people pleasing, you may never have any energy left to go for your dreams.

I would have happily thought that too, until this morning. Consider another perspective.

How do great leaders achieve amazing things? 

Really great leaders are servers. Their passions and dreams make others happy. They lift other people up and help them achieve their own goals at the same time as they are helping themselves achieve their own.

Let’s use Oprah Winfrey as an example here. Her is a woman who is a billionaire and could have just taken her money and lived a really, really good life but instead she made it one of her dreams to facilitate change in Africa by educating young women who will, in turn create change within their own communities. Now that makes thousands of people happy. But instead of draining her of her energy, Oprah is energized to do more.

Here’s why.

Oprah, and all great leaders understand and nurture their connection to spirit and it is this connection that gives them the infinite energy to achieve their goals and dreams.

Although I am not a religious person, I am going to use the symbol of the cross to explain this idea.



Human beings are spiritual conduits. Energy, in the form of ideas, epiphanies, and creative thoughts are downloaded from the divine (God). We take them to heart and through our faith in our connection to source, we believe in our ability to achieve our dreams. But like electricity we need to be grounded in order to complete the circuit.

People pleasers give more faith to external acknowledgement (needing to be liked by others) than to their connection to the universe (understanding that we are all one).

The vertical line of a cross represents the energy flow of the universe through us. Divine energy enters us through our crown (head) and flows through our energy points (chakras) down out the bottom to the earth. Earth energy flows up through our base (feet and legs) and up through our other chakras and out our crown completing the energy circuit. When we have a fully functioning circuit we have access to a never ending energy supply.

When we are cut off from that complete circuit of energy and drain off vast amounts through people pleasing by giving a “hand” to others, we cut off the energy flow at the cross (heart) as it flows out the horizontal line to others. We have effectively lost our connection to source and short circuited our infinite energy flow.

But when you understand and work to maintain your connection to the power of the universe, there is more than enough energy to maintain not only your body but your dreams and goals with plenty of reserves to lend to others in the form of help. Energy radiates out of you and you become a powerhouse.

Really great leaders have a strong spiritual practise and have created a strong bond with the energies of the universe. They understand that they are part of all that is and this is where they seek acceptance, from within not from outside sources like people pleasing.

So where does the fear of failure come into this?

If you are cutting your energy off by redirecting the flow towards eternal matters like people pleasing, you will never complete the divine circuit that allows you to have faith in yourself by constantly feeding the belief of connection to an infinite source of love and acceptance. So instead of an inner surety that anything is possible and that there is no failure only learning experiences, there is not enough positive energy to keep the well of inner love full.

We then fear failure because we are more concerned with what all those people that we are addicted to please, think.

Lightbulb moment

We have the ability to create infinite power by being fully connected to the energy flow of the universe. We’ve seen the proof in those who have achieved greatness in their own lives and as an extension, in the lives of many others.

This is not about being religious, although if this is how you create your connection to the divine then I’m all for it. What I am really trying to explain is having a commitment to a practice where you learn to improve the energy flow through your body using mindfulness, meditation and chakra clearing. Like eating right and getting enough exercise, a strong energy body goes a long way to creating the resiliency needed to over come adversities such as failures and the pull of pleasing others as you go for your dreams.

It doesn’t matter whether you want to open a business, create art, or coach little league. Living behind the dim energy light of other’s achievements is not the way to show your power. Instead, complete the circuit with a sound spiritual connection and light up the world with your own dreams instead.

 Friends don’t let friends drain their energy by people pleasing. Share this post and help and friend.









Published by Diana Frajman

Wisdom blogger who believes that the wise older woman is the most powerful brand females come in.

One thought on “People Pleasing and the Fear of Failing. Is their a Connection?

  1. WOW. I do know that the more I give out of myself, and not in the way of people pleasing, I’ve let go of that years ago, but giving of my own inner gifts, the more I am filled up by more gifts to give, there is a never ending supply but in order to receive you have to give. Thank you Diana for this wonderful post.

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