Last week I mentioned to my sister in-law that I would be taking a taxi for an early morning flight out of our local airport. “I’ll drive you.” she said.
My immediate reaction was, “Oh no, I couldn’t ask you to get out of bed that early to drive me.”
My dear sister in-law had to practically beg me to allow her to do me the favour.
Why is it so hard for me to except help?
If you are like me and have people pleasing tendencies you may understand this issue more than others. How can we allow others to help us when we are so used to be the one helping?
Or maybe it’s a martyr complex. “Oh don’t worry about me. I’ll manage some how. Perhaps if I start walking now, I can make it to my flight on time. No no, I can drag this suitcase along the side of the road just fine. Hopefully I won’t get hit by some uncaring driver as I sludge along.”
What not being able to ask for help really is – is selfish. What makes me so special that I feel nobody would offer me help? Of course there will be times when the answer will be “no” but by not asking I am assuming the answer before I have even made the request.
Are you like me? Would you rather chew off your right hand before asking for help but are the first to shoot that same hand in the air to volunteer your time and service? Well here is something to keep in mind the next time you are in need of another’s help. If you yourself would gladly lend a hand and help that person if they asked you, then if they are as decent of a human being as you are, why would you think they wouldn’t react the same way?
You know how great you feel when you know that you have been a really big help to someone. You get all warm and fuzzy inside, maybe a little proud as you bask in the glow of their appreciation. Why would you take that feeling away from someone else who wants to help you?
Okay, lets put some parameters on this subject. I am not talking about really big asks. No, can you donate a kidney or lend me a million dollars favours here. What I am talking about is the day to day give and take, I help you, you help me type of asking. This is how family and friendships have worked for eons. This is how community is created.
A burden shared is a burden halved.
The quintessential example of this is an old fashion barn raising. The whole community would come out to their neighbour’s homestead to help built a barn. Men would start a dawn and by dusk the barn would be complete. The women folk cooked and supplied the food and the children ran small errands and a steady supply of drinking water to hydrate the men. Everyone participated with the sure knowledge that when the time came for their barn to be raised, the help would be there.
The problem with today’s society is that we have been raised to be self sufficient and independent and while it’s great to be the captain of our own life ship, when it’s smooth sailing, it can be terrifying to navigate in a storm all alone.
You are not weak when you ask for help. In fact, you are being very brave. Being open to the service of others sends a message that you value what another person can offer to you and surprisingly, in most cases, the appropriate payment for that gift is two words. Thank you.
Accept help from others with humility and grace. I think that this is the lesson I am meant to master for this life. It must be, because it is the hardest lesson for me to learn.
P.S. Thanks for the ride June 🙂
Real friends help out friends without a second thought. Help a friend and share this post.