“Being authentic” is a real buzz phrase in marketing and social media these days. So is the need to be unique. But what if you have a blindspot with regards to what makes you different from everybody else – and are you really that different?
Believe it or not, this is quite normal. We look at other folks who do what we do or are in our demographic online, and our vulnerability meter starts vibrating into the red zone of doubt.
Now before you start thinking that this is a post about compare and despair, let me just calm you and say that we are all aware of the illusions the online world affords us all. Even wrinkled old crones are just a photoshop tweak away from being flawless. We can be anyone we want, with the right filter.
But what if you exposed your vulnerability and presented yourself, warts and all to the online masses? I meant that figuratively – the wart part that is.
Let me share two different stories on the subject of vulnerability and how a blindspot for me and another individual, caused unnecessary angst, but being willing to open up, resulted in lessons all around.
I was on a Facebook group for women over 50 last week when a woman posted asking for advice. She works in a male energy fueled industry and found herself exhibiting more masculine behaviors whenever she talked about her career. Her physical gestures becoming mannish – sitting, legs splayed apart, fisting hands, aggressive movements, and it was causing incongruency with her feminine power. Lots of caring women chimed in with helpful ideas to strengthen her female aspect; dance movements, self care, seeking out female companionship for her leisure time – all well meaning ideas to reinforce her authentic self and balance the dual energies within her, but I offered another perspective.
This is what I wrote:I think you are practicing feminine power right in this post.
Two words come to mind – vulnerability and connection.
To be vulnerable enough to ask for advice is truly a feminine trait and one that is shunned in the masculine.
Plus to reach out and connect to other like minded souls in that vulnerability is how, in my opinion, women make deep connection.
This woman was experiencing a personal blindspot. Because she was fixated on a particular worry, she was unable to see her whole self- not just the masculine but the feminine part that came forward in vulnerability to ask for some advise.
Isn’t that the way? We get stuck on something, we are so sure the solution has to be a certain way or that nobody but us has ever gone through what we are currently going through. Or, we are looking at a situation from an old paradigm, and we all know that you can not fix a problem with the kind of thinking you used when you created it. Thank you Albert Einstein for that wise gem. The only way you can get past a personal blindspot is to be vulnerable enough to reach out and ask for help. That is where connection plays a part.
Real, honest to goodness human connection, what an endangered species that is. Of the many cracks in society that Covid-19 has exposed over the last year, the scarcity of human connection is probably the most detrimental to the health of our sense of wellbeing. We are a multi-sensory species. We flourish when we are really seen as who we are, not just on a physical level but on and energetic level as well. We are a tribal bunch and thrive on kinship with people who are liked minded, and who connect with us, deep in our soul. With out that level of connection, we flounder, we doubt ourselves, and in our search for belonging, we judge ourselves to be lacking. Hence the compare and despair brought on by measuring ourselves with unrealistic standards to the perfect images that marketing and social media do so well.
So here was my second lesson last week – a much more personal experience with my own blindspot.
I can intuit another persons blindspot in mere seconds and from a mile away but to figure out my own, takes herculean strength and mystical introspection and that in itself is another blindspot because I arrogantly think that if I can figure out yours, I surely should be able to figure out mine. But it doesn’t work like that, at least for me, and if you were being truthful, I’ll bet it’s the same with you as well.
I desperately need to update this website. It’s well past time but I couldn’t very well hire someone to revamp it when I didn’t have a vision of what I wanted. There in lies my blindspot and I was feeling pretty vulnerable about it and the more I angst over it, the harder it became. Self doubt reared it’s ugly head. Who do you think you are? How can you offer wise council to others when you can’t even offer it for yourself?
I knew the new vibe I wanted for my site but couldn’t find the right words to correlate. So I finally embraced my vulnerability around this issue and made a connection with a wonderful lady who specializes in copywriting. Jess Drury of Heartlines Copywriting Studio spoke my language and we made a connection, a real honest to goodness human connection. Okay, in fairness, it was online via Zoom, a condition of our current reality but I am now beginning to see the words I need to use for my new revamped website. Check Jess out here and stayed tuned for a new look for Crone Confidence coming soon.
Blindspots are like a festering sore that has an old sticky bandage covering it up. It only takes a moment of courage and a little willingness to get it over with. All you need to do is take a breath and just rip that dirty old bandage off and expose the sore to some fresh air. Yet we sit with the indecision and make the pain of the ripping bigger in our imagination than it really is.
Our own blindspots are no different. Heaven forbid we might look weak to the rest of world. Yet once we open ourselves to some fresh perspective, clarity quickly heals the situation.
Blindspots are illusions just like the perfectly filtered social media posts of those supposedly perfect people we dare to compare ourselves to.
The reason “being authentic” is buzz worthy these days and why we all want to position ourselves as “being unique” is because in doing so we expose our vulnerabilities – our humanness, and when we’re brave enough to do that, we open ourselves up to like minded folks who desire to connect with us. It’s an ancient, primordial need to belong to a tribe of kindred souls who really see us in our essence.
But modern society has it all wrong. We have been taught to believe that we are individuals. We stand alone. We are unique creatures and no two are alike. Just like the perfect online images of what we perceive as the perfect person, the perfect lifestyle, the perfect life – that too is an illusion. We are all part of the human race and as members, whether we choose to see or not, we all strive for the same thing – connection, love, and belonging. That is the universal blindspot of our current time, the grand illusion, but are we willing as a whole to be vulnerable enough to reach out to each other and ask for help? What an amazing connection that would be.