Well the last family member has finally flown the coop and I am all alone. Time to switch gears and focus on myself. This is turning out to be harder than I thought, but I can’t waste any time, my solitary season is only so long.
Last week I read a book called “Goddess Signs, Which One Are You?”, by Angelica Danton http://www.llewellyn.com/author.php?author_id=4250 , the book uses several elements such as Chinese astrology, western astrology, numerology, and base elements to determine your goddess sign. Mine is the Moon goddess.
This was a fun exercise and a quick read. What I took away from this book was a new clarity of my personality. Now, I am a pretty introspective person. I would like to think that I have a good grasp of my personality traits and my strengths and weaknesses. I am able to recognize my limits. The description selected in this book for me, that of a Cat women (Chinese astrology) and associated Moon goddesses, one being Diana (my name), Roman goddess of the moon, gave me cause for deep thought.
The universe puts opportunities in your path when you are ready, and emotionally able to embrace them. Had I read this book a year ago, I may have past it over as just entertainment but I have been thinking about what I wanted to personally achieve this solitary season and I am having a hard time focusing on anything in particular. Angelica Danton’s book gave me a better understanding of why I was having such a hard time of it. Being selfish and focusing solely on myself goes against my natural way of being.
See my post “Solitary Season” for an explanation of what that is http://cronesapprentice.com/2013/11/17/my-solitary-season/
As a “Cat woman” I am naturally social and outgoing but I also need a quiet sanctuary to recharge after giving of myself to the outside world otherwise my energies can become scattered and I am prone to burning out. No wonder I enjoy this time alone so much! Still, I am a practical soul and want to make the most of my solitary season.
So this morning, after I dropped my daughter off at the ferry terminal, I came home, found a comfortable chair and meditated on this dilemma. What do I want to achieve during my alone time?
What you focus on grows, what you think about expands and what you dwell on determines your destiny.
Of course there are projects and chores that are begging to be done and they will go on the list. There is a stack of books that I have been meaning to read as well, but my gut instinct is telling me that a new family dynamic is developing. My family is spread to the four winds, working and having adventures. Being solitary may well be the new norm for the foreseeable future. If I want to feel fulfilled and happy in my life I need to create that happiness for myself.
I have met quite a few women around my age in the last year who are empty shell people, going through life always in a reactive mode, exhibiting victim mentalities and not taking control of their own personal power and destiny. It took me a while to figure out why these sad souls were coming into my life until finally I realized that once again the universe was putting a learning opportunity in my path. In this case it is a cautionary lesson. Take control of your destiny before it takes control of you. Most likely you will not like the results!
The answer that kept coming back to me during this mornings meditation was to focus, focus, focus. For the next little while I need to keep asking more questions. What am I passionate about? What is most important to me right now, is it career, higher learning, health, adventure, and why am I not immersing myself in it? Who am I now and how do I want to evolve? What gifts of myself can I give back to my family, community, the world?
Wow, that is heady stuff! But what an opportunity I’ve been given! To actually have the time, security and resource to fulfil my destiny. Now if I only knew what it was.
Now that is not entirely true. My soul knows, my subconscious knows, ok, ok, I know. What I really need to do is formulate a plan and to do that I need to focus, focus, focus. Dam, I hate when the universe its right!
Angelica Danton’s book gave me a different perspective of my nature and by doing so gave me better clarity on why I am the way I am. When you know better, you do better. It also gave me even more gratitude for the way the universe has offered me this opportunity, this solitary season, so I can learn, grow and seek wisdom that will enable me to live an even better life and this life has been dammed awesome so far!