If you are a people pleaser, the subject of this post may be hard for you to take in. The message here may be a foreign concept but may just spark an epiphany for you.
I believe we come to this earth with a purpose in order for our soul to grow and evolve. Some people call it our soul’s code or our soul’s contract with the divine. An agreement with the universe, or God if you prefer, to achieve a goal while we have this human experience.
Don’t worry if you have no idea what your purpose is, the majority of us seem to forget what it is once we get down here on earth. The universe is benevolent though, if we fail this time around odds are our soul will get another chance. Sometimes to experience life is the plan and all that is required of you.
So, assuming we have a purpose while we’re here and it may be to just experience being human, wouldn’t it be a safe assumption that the universe wants you to enjoy it?
Here’s were “It’s all about me” comes in. What ever your goal in life is. What ever you are driven to do or achieve in your short existence on the planet earth, in order to fulfill your purposeful needs it has to be all about you.
Sounds pretty selfish you might argue. What about selfless people like Mother Teresa or Gandhi, or even the altruistic volunteer down at the food bank who gives countless hours of themselves to feed the hungry in his town?
Well think about it, what if that was their soul’s contract with God to achieve while here on the planet earth? Would there selfless sacrifices not have been really about them? It was their life plan to help humanity. Fulfilling their soul’s contract in this way would have made them happy.
When you take the position that it’s all about you, you are not being selfish. You are accomplishing what you’re meant to achieve with your life even if that means dedicating yourself to helping others.
A people pleaser might argue that they are just doing what they are meant to do by pleaser others. They may very well be right but it’s been my experience, being a recovering people pleaser, that pleasers please for acceptance.
To check to see if it’s all about you and not some deep need to be accepted by others, notice how you react when someone you are trying to please rejects your help. Do you feel hurt? Is your soul bruised? Does your self esteem take a hit? I’ll bet you don’t feel like helping that person in the future. Why put yourself out there if they don’t appreciate it?
If it’s all about you and your help is rejected, you may feel hurt but you won’t be deterred from offering your help again in the future because you’re confident enough with your drive to help that you innately know that it is your purpose for this life.
It’s like the master painter who’s whole focus in life is his art. He must paint and is driven by his destiny regardless of what the critics might say about is work. If your whole focus is to help others you will not be distracted by rejection, your drive will be great regardless of whether you are accepted for it or not.
When “it’s all about me”, and someone asks you to do them a favour, take a second or two before you answer to sense how you feel about helping out. Does coming to this persons aid feel good? Are you excited to be of help? Or do you feel put upon, used or taken for granted?
There is nothing wrong with saying no. I’ll repeat this for the hard core people pleaser out there. There is nothing wrong with saying no.
If another person’s request dims you light and sucks your life energy then their actions are selfish and are all about them. Whether admittedly or not, they are using you.
Taking the time to give attention to your emotions and feelings around the request for help at the very least allows you to acknowledge your motivations for acquiescing. That brings the ball back into your court where it’s all about you. Now if you say yes to helping you do so with the full awareness of why you are.