First, let me say, there is a big difference between standing up for yourself and standing in your own power.
We might stand up for ourselves, when we want to be heard or understood, when we feel the need to defend our actions or beliefs, or when we feel we are being threatened physically in some way.
When we stand in our own power, we understand ourselves, our beliefs, and our personal path or mission in this life. That self knowledge gives us the confidence to create a future for ourselves on our own terms.
But no matter how completely we know ourselves. No matter how focused we are in life, or how certain we are of our goals, we all have vulnerabilities in our personalities that can cause our shield of certainty to crumble like dried out cake.
Even Superman was no match for Kryptonite.
If you are anything like me and you suffer occasionally from personal power interuptis, I am sure you will recognize at least one of these three situations as regular culprits.
Well Meaning Advice
You know the type: Innocuous statements designed to be helpful, but instead, starts you questioning your decisions.
Here is an example that just happened to me. I had a fellow, who I recently met, tell me that I should change my blog’s name, which I had just changed a couple of weeks ago, because he checked the meaning of crone in the dictionary and thought that I could do better than a “withered old hag” in my title.
Little alarm bells instantly chimed in my head and I felt the powerful need to defend my blog’s name and explain to him the older meaning of the word “crone”. I wanted to rail against his well meant, but negative opinion and set him straight.
But he was coming at this from his perspective, not mine, and thank heavens I chose to bite my tongue and say nothing, even though I could feel large chunks of my inner strength crumble away and land on the floor of despair.
Tip: When this happens, it is best to stay silent. Well meaning advice is not about you, or even about helping you. Well meaning advice such as this, is all about the person giving it, and their take on the situation.
They may not know how much thought you have put into your decision. They may not know the back story, or even the bigger picture planned out for the future. All they know, is what they think about what they see right now.
By engaging in the act of defending yourself and your actions, you are choosing to allow doubt to drive you instead of certainty.
Never mistake a quiet woman for a weak woman.
You Can’t Please Everyone
I’ll admit it. This is my personal kryptonite. I have been known to have people pleasing tendencies. If I am not being present and purposeful in my life, I easily give in to other people’s requests of me and my time, without a thought to my own needs.
Does this sound like you?
You’ve got the day planned out to work on that project you are currently passionate about, but before you lift a finger to start, the phone rings. It’s someone you love dearly, asking if they can come over because they need help with… pick one of a million reasons. You drop everything and wait for them to arrive, all the while fuming inside because you let their needs come before your own.
Tip: Practise the word – NO! If it makes you feel better, practise saying – sorry NO! There is nothing wrong with having your own plans. It is not your fault that your loved one will be put out, even temporarily, while you continue on with your own plans.
Guilt is a powerful emotion that if not checked, will eat away at your personal power.
While I would never insinuate that your loved ones do this, I do know that some folks fully exploit this weakness in those who have the need to please. Those people are energy suckers who are actually stealing your personal power. To stand fully in your own power, you need to claim it back.
As a people pleaser, even a recovering one like me, if it is a true emergency, you would not feel put out. You would be happy to help. But if it is an interruption of your own plans and the request can be rescheduled, you having nothing to feel sorry for. So honor your ability to stand in your own strength and continue on with you planned day.
Compare and Despair
You would not be human if you haven’t, from time to time, looked out to your competition and compared your progress against theirs. And, you would not be human if, from time to time, you felt overwhelmed and discouraged when you find yourself trailing the pack.
In my drive to stand in my own power, I sometimes forget that everyone is on their own path, even if theirs runs parallel to yours. I try to take the high road and feel inspired by the uniqueness of others. I try to console myself with pep talks designed to re-enforce my personal power, but sometimes, no matter how insightful or kind to myself I try to be, my inner power drains from me leaving nothing but a puddle on that old floor of despair.
I loose my focus. I tell myself all sorts of nasty stuff like, “You suck at this” and I feel the need to hide away and play small.
And for a while, that is exactly what I do.
Until my personal power recharges itself enough, that I have the strength to stand up and start knowing again, with confidence.
Tip: There will always be someone who knows more than you do, but there will always be someone who knows less. Standing in your own personal power is, well,… personal. Even if someone else has exactly the same knowledge as you do, they can never have the same perspectives and life experiences as you. Your uniqueness is the foundation of your inner power. Remind yourself of the solid footings you are standing on and rebuild your personal power from there.
Follow along with Crone Confidence.
I’d love to hear how you stand in your own power. Leave a comment and let’s start a discussion.