Self-Respect

In my last post I stated: We do not have the power to make other people behave with consideration and respect for us. They are the only ones who can make that choice for themselves. That is where most the hurt and anger and subsequent revenge comes from, our belief that people should know how we expect to be treated and then act accordingly.

Having said that I want to add an extension to that comment. While it’s my belief that the above statement is true, I will also say that you only get treated how you let people treat you.

Everyone has a personal line in the sand for shit they are willing to take from other people. Most of us though grumble to our friends and loved ones about the minor disrespects we endure in our day to day life’s rather than stand up for ourselves and correct the grievances when they occur.

Perhaps we are too polite to say anything. Perhaps we are afraid we will receive even more flack for making even the smallest of stands. Perhaps we don’t value ourselves enough. What ever the reason, allowing others to take advantage of you only serves to make you unhappy and eat away at your self-respect.

Here’s another truth; you have no one to blame but yourself for the situation because only you can let others treat you in ways you do not like to be treated.

“No one can make you feel inferior with out your consent”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Hands down, my biggest pet peeve is when people get my name wrong. My name is Diana, but some people feel it is okay to call me Diane. The first time someone gets it wrong I politely correct them, “It’s Diana not Diane”.

To me the most basic form of respect for another human being is to get their name correct. A person’s name is their outward identity. I am not perfect on this by any means but I always apologize profusely when I make the mistake because I know how I feel when I am referred to incorrectly.

I’ve had people blow me off when I correct them like it is my fault that they said it wrong or that I should be more tolerant because they couldn’t be attentive enough to learn my name. I exercise my right to be treated respectfully by discontinuing relationships with these kinds of people. As I said before, I have no control over their actions but I have control over mine and I’ll choose to walk away rather than engage in a futile battle.

Sometimes, avoidance may not seem like an option. A boss or a co-worker or even a family member may be the perpetrator of continued inconsideration’s or out right rude attacks and even if after calm requests to be treated with respect the behaviour does not change there are few choices left to you.

You can shut up and take it or you can walk.

Shutting up and taking it is guaranteed to drop you off the slippery slope of disillusionment and submission. No situation, whether it be a steady paying job or the fear of family rejection is worth your soul. There will always be another job and other people who will love and respect you for who you are.

The act of walking away is like taking a leap of faith in yourself. To believe that you deserve better and then make the decision to get it, is very empowering. You will be amazed by how uplifted you’ll feel when you stand up for yourself. Even if it is as simple as demanding that people get your name right.

The bottom line is if you want to be treated with respect, you need to act with self respect. When you know where your line in the sand is and refuse to step past it, others will stand with you on that line. Anybody else isn’t worth the trouble to have in your life no matter how hard it may seem to leave them behind.

You always have the choice to stand up for yourself and demand to be treated fairly and other people always have the choice to ignore you and do what ever they please but self respect is something that can never be taken. Only you can give it away.